Confession: I have been blowing in the wind for a long time without real anchor in community, church, or family–some of it circumstances beyond my control and some if it me not valuing myself enough to make a stand for what I need. So I anchored myself to people–which is worse than being not anchored at all. It has caused me to be frustrated, spinning my wheels all over the place and seeming emotionally unstable as I grasp at the air.
Last night, someone I admire greatly and who understands my struggle gave me language for what I am grappling with–and prayed with me to find a space where I can be rooted and grow into the person I see but can never get to.
I have been blessed to multitask for everything and everybody else; now I see God honoring that and loving me into my own space.
But the rooting and grounding didn’t come from a place—even though I’ve found some places that are safe spaces . And the establishing isn’t really in jobs or stuff. And the settling hasn’t been because of another person. God has been settling me inside myself. And I have begun to recognize what it means to take no thought. To trust in the Lord fully. To seek the Kingdom with wild abandon. It has dawned on me that no matter where I go in the earth, I am settled as long as I remain grounded in the love of Christ.