I had a crazy week last week. I couldn’t pull it together. I called myself managing it and instead was making messes left and right. I found myself falling into the old comfortably traumatizing habit of trying to be all things to all people. WEDNESDAY, after listening to my well-meaning but super self-invested husband half jokingly decide to make our teenage daughter on a bus to get to work because he NEVER consults any schedule we create and she NEVER adds her stuff til last minute and they both together NEVER REMEMBER SHIT ANYBODY SAYS TO THEM EVER, I tapped out. Cuz GOD FORBID ANYBODY CONSIDER THAT I HAVE A LONG STANDING ENGAGEMENT EVERY THURSDAY for the next 2 years because EdD! Now suddenly everyone wants to do everything every Thursday, and none of them know how to share or consider other people but irrationally guard their little plans as though every single plan they ever come up with doesn’t magically happen due to me contorting myself into pretzel level painful configurations of putting my needs last.
I won’t talk about the rage of it all of making it through the Saturday commitment made for me without consulting me or the sudden onslaught on the next day which kept me from doing what I intended to do because commitments were made with my labor in mind.
I had a whole private meltdown. Do you hear it? Do you hear my meltdown? I am still simmering mostly at myself because I am exhausted and behind on what I was required to do and out of money I should not have had to spend.
Anyway, God was like, “But who TOLD YOU TO TRY TO FIGURE ALL THAT OUT? Stay in your lane, Kisha” (God talk to me like I’m Slow cuz I AM). And I KNEW this but for whatever reason, I decided to try to do the thing by myself all last week resulting in exhaustion and discombobulation on top of taking allergy meds and not getting enough sleep and stressing over my next best move with this capstone that I am super invested in because God let me circle back and grab something so dear to me that I thought I could never get back to it in this lifetime.
Whewwww. That flesh be kicking up when I am not paying attention in prayer!
When you are in God’s Purpose, life will work out the way it is supposed to. Every time. We get off track because we try to make it do what it do when it’s already DONE. Hence the struggle. The only struggle we are commanded to engage in is to labor into His rest. The better Sabbath. Nothing else. We are disobeying The Father when we engage in these resource-depleting battles that never get resolved without strong boundaries and accountability to real love, which (per 1 Corinthians 13) doesn’t seek her own and isn’t puffed up and believes the best.
Today’s lesson? Let God be God. You just do your part and chill. And when it’s beyond your capacity? Say NO because that means it is up to God’s ability to work it out. Not yours. Else you’ll be like me, mad at the world which only did what it was supposed to do.
Here’s a fantastic blog that I happened upon when I went searching for scripture reminders to stay in my lane! Enjoy.