I’m frustrated.

You tell black girls to love themselves, then set about praising everything that is opposite of who they might be: if it’s light skinned/white, skinny, petite, “demure”, small, wavy/straight haired, not “too loud”, certainly not too black or sure of itself. You tell them they can’t be all the things they are, to stay out of the sun, that their hair is too hard to comb, that their butts are too big and hips too round despite it having nothing to do with what they eat, and the big voice they got from listening to you is too much. They fast for developing the way God made them while you rape them and harass them for just trying to get on the school bus.

Yall is frustrating.

And when they ARE light skinned, with wavy hair and almond shaped eyes and demur and stay out of the sun and are petite and shaped “just so”, you harass them, too. You catcall them, too. You touch them wrong, too. You make them grow up too fast, too. And all while alienating them from the ones you called too black, too loud, too ugly to be loved. You make everybody isolated and hating themselves and hating each other cuz they think they are being hated on when really they are lost inside themselves fighting the voice of condemnation out of the mouths of those who should uplift them.

So who do y’all really love? Riddle me this?!?

Then you are shocked when they hate themselves and alter themselves to be like what you praise and what you love, orrrrrrr they all give in to the pressure to be less than, sell themselves short, give up their bodies for a little love. No matter how dark. How quiet. How almond eyed. How petite. How quiet. Whilst you talking about what she coulda been, never taking ownership about the millstones of insecurity and perversion you tied or allowed to BE tied around her neck. Oh but you got plenty words about the baby she carrying around, hanh? Where were you when grown men were harassing her at age 11? Or touching her at age 7? Or following her at age 16? Where were you when the boys at school wouldn’t leave her alone? On the bus? On the playground?

Who do you really love? Y’all frustrate me. Forever policing the victim. Never raising boys out of the jaws of perversion.

But I guess you can’t discipline them when you’re aren’t able to discipline yourselves. I guess I expect too much since pride won’t take YOU to the altar to get delivered from lasciviousness and self gratification. You gone always yell at your daughters and nieces cuz you remember the girl you harmed, and guilt don’t never let you rest. ONLY REPENTANCE. In Jesus name. 😒