People are weird about open grief.
And when I started this process, the ONE thing Holy Spirit told me IMMEDIATELY not to do was retreat from mourning. CUZ IF YOU KNOW ME, you know I don’t do feelings. Feelings is for suckahs and simps. I’m a BAWS, not a BABY. 😒 #thuglifeforever The one thing my DAY ONES said to me was to not run from my feelings. I said yes, okay to the Lord. I promised my friends.
So every day I wake up, I’m not trying to slap people in the face with my pain. It’s just…hey listen. When I started 12 years ago, the phrase the Lord told me was “A Real Time Change.” I had no idea what it meant except every iteration of my walk from then on has been out in the open in some way for someone to see. I would say against my will—but I AGREED to follow HIS will, so… His will BE mine. And may it ever be as much as I am able to obey and by His grace. Amen.
Some people are dying inside because people are weird about grief and there’s no one around to allow them space to mourn well. One thing about me? Kisha gone move through life like a wealthy middle aged hhhhhhwhite man. I’m gone MAKE space. For me and for others. In Jesus name. There IS a way to mourn that brings glory to the Lord. I’m on that. Whom the Son sets free, ya feel me?
I want to talk about things. I think. I am going to go live soon. As the Lord allows.
Anyway. Today is a decent day. The sun is out. My baby sister friend Talisha and Mama Regional Supervisor Walls done talked me out the house later on. My oldest running friend (who is basically my sister at this point) Selena told me to go get my hair done. So I’m here. Opted for a cut and a perm. Cuz I’m sic uh da natural for now. I painted and cried last night which was good exercise. I woke up to a bright white hallway. Ash has friend girls coming over; Haleigh has work. I go back to work Monday cuz I miss my classroom and my kids. Church tomorrow.
The Lord is kind to His daughter.
And I still miss my Spencer.
All is well.